Backing Forward

“Still, accepting God’s existence is one thing; honoring his command is another matter entirely, especially if we’re required to go back when we’d rather go forward.”~Liz Curtis Higgs I had no choice. Every part of my life was ripped away and shattered beyond repair. The dark giants were celebrating their victory as I lay immobilized in pain and confusion. How could my life have come to this point? I have tried to be faithful. I thought I was following God. I tried to stand for truth and listen to Him. Admittedly, my life was not completely honoring Him. I had allowed the rebellion of others and their pursuit of sin to infiltrate my life. But did I deserve this? Deserve it or not, I was being fed to the wolves. I made the hardest phone call of my life, and back I went to a familiar, now foreign place. Home. I’ve stayed since. The day I left home I was young, full of hope and sure I was headed where God wanted. Returning years later, every hope crushed, I was desperately alone. All I felt was shame and failure. I constantly cried out to God. Can I have any part of my life back? You want me to do what? Where do you want me? Who do you want me to be? Show me God. At first the answers came in bits and pieces. As I grew stronger, I saw answers faithfully and lovingly come, even when I didn’t like the process. Fast forward over a dozen years. The hurt of that dark time has faded so that I... read more

Laying It Down

Lay It Down. How can something that releases such pressure and pain be so excrutiatingly difficult? I have been through the process more than I care. I’m trying to be like more Jesus. What else should I expect when there is so much not Jesus in me? Sometimes I surrender what is already gone.Sometimes I surrender what will never be returned.Sometimes I surrender and God allows it to remain. I won’t know which until the act is done. Does God sometimes only want my willingness to lay it down? I wonder if that is the toughest surrender of all? God wants to be the one who shapes my thoughts, motivation, actions. He must be the only one who shapes them. When He allows it to remain, it is for His glory. It is not a ticket to take over. It is a reminder to be available, watchful, obedient, useful for His purpose. Once again, I’m searching my heart and laying something down. Because I have so much practice, I know this time will not be quite as hard. Sometimes I stumble past my road blocks, but I always find on the other side of surrender what I am really seeking-an encounter with God. That wrap me in your arms, intimate availability when I know the particular, special love God has just for me. I lay my Isaac down and I pick up hope. So God has given both His promise and His oath. These two things are unchangeable because it is impossible for God to lie. Therefore, we who have fled to Him for refuge can have great confidence... read more
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