I had a major meltdown last weekend. I mean epic.
I was in the third week of leading bible study. I tried not to feel overwhelmed. I believe God asked me to reach out to women throgh this study, but I became riddled with doubt and fear.
I desperately relied on God, but I could feel the vultures circling. I was struggling to write lessons and posts and suddenly everything felt contrived; me-based and nothing seemed anointed by God. A part of me even regretted starting this study.
I couldn’t believe for the first time in eons, I was besieged by fear.
- Fear of being judged.
- Fear of being wrong.
- Fear of the responsibility of leading people.
- Fear of trying to do this myself and get in the way of God.
- Fear of failing at what I am most deeply passionate about. Welcome the unseen and wounded to where they feel can find love and healing.
Friends prayed and spoke truth and I reached out to our church leadership and asked for prayer. Then I was reading Acts and God called spoke bullhorn loud.
Moses was educated in all the wisdom of the Egyptians and was powerful in speech and action.
Whoa, wait just a minute. That’s not the Moses I remember. Moses was afraid to speak and fearful of his past. Moses was scared of Pharaoh and his own lack of power. Moses was certain he couldn’t lead his people to freedom.
Yet, God says Moses was mighty in both speech and action.
Moses was raised in two worlds. He knew he was different. Moses was born a Hebrew, saved by God then raised like royalty in the most powerful house in the nation. Pharaoh was his grandfather.
One day Moses went out to see his people. An Egyptian was beating a slave. Furious, Moses killed the aggressor forcing a life-saving escape. Moses fled straight across the Sinai desert to the other side of the Red Sea. Sound familiar? He went straight through the same desert he would later wander in for forty years.
Years passed. It was time for God to call him to the land of his youth. There was a job waiting for Moses.
God spent as long equipping Moses as he did using Moses.
Moses got this call from deep in the wilderness near Sinai. Here he is again in Sinai tending flocks. After arguing with God, and losing, Moses took his family to visit Egypt; traveling across the Sinai desert. Moses was put into the wilderness several times before leading the Hebrew nation.
Something happened between his days of a boy prince and the years of a man shepherd. Something that happens to all of us: Life. Last week, I felt just like Moses. Scared spitless.
Moses was royally powerful. He knew the wilderness which would become his nomadic home. Yet, when God called out of the bush, Moses forgot who he was. More importantly – Who’s he was.
For what God has called.
He has equipped.
I didn’t have any burning bush experience and I’m certainly not called to lead multitudes to freedom. I know that. I’m only called to share what healing God has placed in my life thus far and ask others to come along and experience more of Jesus. That’s it.
But, this isn’t about me. I want to brag on God, grab that bullhorn and tell everyone He does the same for you.
You too are equipped for what He has called you to do. Whether it is heading into hostile desert ministry or visiting a neighbor, God has called you.
You are equipped.
What had God called you to do?