For What God Calls, He Equips

  I had a major meltdown last weekend. I mean epic. I was in the third week of leading bible study. I tried not to feel overwhelmed. I believe God asked me to reach out to women throgh this study, but I became riddled with doubt and fear. I desperately relied on God, but I could feel the vultures circling. I was struggling to write lessons and posts and suddenly everything felt contrived; me-based and nothing seemed anointed by God. A part of me even regretted starting this study. I couldn’t believe for the first time in eons, I was besieged by fear. Fear of being judged. Fear of being wrong. Fear of the responsibility of leading people. Fear of trying to do this myself and get in the way of God. Fear of failing at what I am most deeply passionate about. Welcome the unseen and wounded to where they feel can find love and healing. Friends prayed and spoke truth and I reached out to our church leadership and asked for prayer. Then I was reading Acts and God called spoke bullhorn loud. Moses was educated in all the wisdom of the Egyptians and was powerful in speech and action. Acts 7:22 Whoa, wait just a minute. That’s not the Moses I remember. Moses was afraid to speak and fearful of his past. Moses was scared of Pharaoh and his own lack of power. Moses was certain he couldn’t lead his people to freedom. Yet, God says Moses was mighty in both speech and action. Moses was raised in two worlds. He knew he was different. Moses was born a Hebrew, saved...
Choosing to Bend into Burdens

Choosing to Bend into Burdens

If I made a list of my favorite years, years upon remembering bring a smile to my heart, 2010 would not be on it. There was no catastrophic event, when once survived, I could pin a badge of courage. It was simply the accumulation of life. Family loss, business changes, work stress, overwhelming demands, health challenges. I would be embarrassed to divulge details because any one of these are small potatoes compared to the suffering some faced. Nevertheless, I was worn down.By mid-December I was checking off days until I could turn the calendar, close the lid on a tough year and tuck it on the back shelf. I know there isn’t anything changed on the 1st than there was on the 31st, but it just feels different. A clean start. With much of the muck resolved, I hoped 2011 would be a year of ease. Boy, was I ready for ease. I peered into the months ahead and I knew they would times to embrace and savor. Christmas week, our business got a bad report. My spirit slumped. In the following days, the breadth of the situation widened. Business was brought nearly to a complete stop while we assessed, regrouped and planned. This problem will negatively impact our business until long into 2012. My hope of ease vanished. God, do we really have to do this AGAIN? ” . . . to refuse to bend our shoulders to carry a load is to miss a new opportunity for growth.” J.R. Miller from Streams in the Desert Yes, AGAIN. He said I sat before Him in silence. I should...

God of the Small

I’ve had some major things happening the last few weeks. (My last post sums it up.) I am feeling better after a doctor visit and antibiotics just in time for hormones and fatigue to take main stage. I have to be gone from home most nights of the week and it is wearing on me. The tumultuous family situation continues to tumult. I have mostly reacted to the daunting situation by putting on my A game. Facing a mountain? Pour on the prayer. Need understanding? Dig deeper into scripture. Looking at the impossible? Plant that mustard seed. But God keeps whispering to me. I am the God of the small. Wow, He’s got me on that one. This tumbled around in my mind last week and God immediately put me to the test. My daughter called in a pickle which would not have happened if she would have done what I asked the night before. As I drove to school to pick her up, anger festered. God spoke more clearly. I am the God of the small. In the short drive, I threw up a help me prayer and managed stifle sharp words about her unwillingness to obey me. I squeaked by that time. But since then? I have to fess up. Not so good. Sure I’m still pontificating about the majors in my life, but I’m not measuring up in the minors. So many things are falling on the wrong side of the balance. How can God be my God when He isn’t God of my ALL? When He isn’t God of the small. Show me, God I...

Crosswise

Everything seemed so at odds today. A restless, agitated feeling permeated everything I did. I was impatient, unkind and unsupportive. It was a day I seemed to tear down rather than build one another up. I prayed several times for a friend particularly in need. Were they prayers of a righteous woman that availed much? I’m relieved to know many others are praying also. Why are some days so crosswise? I started my day in the word with quiet time and prayer. I tried to keep praises singing in my heart. I felt like His spirit was on the other side of my closed door. A door I tried to open, only to slam my shoulder against its heavy timbers. Maybe I wasn’t trying hard enough or focusing on God with all my energy. The day is done and I’m still asking. Why are some days so crosswise? Just get up tomorrow and do it again. What God? The mountain top is a peak, not a plateau. Most of the journey is either up or down. Can’t I just plop myself down at the top and hang out a while? I love doing that! It’s so much easier and what a view. That isn’t where the cross is. Today you’ve come crosswise. You have to choose where you go beyond the cross. Up to Me or down to you. Some days are so Cross...

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